Old flames...blow em' out.

So I figured, I'm not very good at this updating blog thing. Maybe if I stick to once a month, we might get a good thing going. We'll see anyway.

Still, let's get straight to it boys and girls.

Subject, Old flames.
Definition, A person that somebody has had an emotional, usually passionate, relationship with, who is still looked on fondly and with affection.


I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. It seems, 'old flames' are what is actually dominating my love life right now, and it is quite frankly, a joke. I've got about two flames blowing in the wind as we speak, a flippin' third trying it's best to reignite, and a fourth that I blew out on Tuesday.

So many of my friends are telling me "Lydz, be grateful! At least you got something going on!". I guess that's true. If an old flame wants to take me out and wine and dine me, that's cool. I'm not exactly gonna reject the idea. However, at the same time, let's not forget that they are and old flame for a reason. They either fucked me over, or we severed ties for one reason or another. On the most part I got fucked over. So why am I now being so fast to run and burn my hand on the stove? I don't wanna burn my hand anymore. To be honest, I'm fed up of having to nurture the scalds. So what do I do?

Meet new people they say. Mm. Seen. Easier said than done though, Billy. You think I ain't tried that? You tink seh mi nuh want dat? Everyday I'm telling myself "strike a match and burn a new tea light", but it just doesn't seem to happen for me. I've looked outside of the box. Gone to new places and still, no luck.

Actually, fuck it. I just lied my way through that whole paragraph. Truth is, I don't want to meet anyone new. There's one old flame in particular that always has me thinking, "What if?" And the wickedest thing is, I was fine and he hadn't even crossed my mind in a long time - until I saw him this week. Now I've been fantasizing and thinking that maybe there's a chance (even if it's the smallest chance, like, ever!). But the true story is, having these thoughts in the long run eats away at you. And it's eating away at me. I'm trying my utter best to make this blog entry in every way non-moist, but I know I'm failing. Still, my blog is where I tell no lies. And this is no lie. I think I want that old flame back. #SadMuch?

I know what I should do, and it's what I should have done a long time ago. But, looking at the situation, is there even any point? I know what the outcome will be - so in the grand scheme of things, do I really wanna suffer the same hurt I did from this old flame? (As I said before, the flame is old for a reason).

The answer is, (and very annoyingly so), no.

In life, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, even if you don't wanna do it. And when it comes to 'old flames', I'm learning that this is exactly what you have to do. Or else you're just gonna let it burn until there's nothing left and you're in total darkness. No warning, no nothing. Unable to even find a lighter, or a match. YOU take control before it takes control of you.

Blow it out, light a new candle and hope for the best.